Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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