Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize