You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
