his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
