Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
