dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
