Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
