Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
