all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
