Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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