You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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