I seem to have left my pride at pride
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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