Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Randomize
