So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
