I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
