i would punch a child for taco bell
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
