i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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