My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I have aggressive nipples.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
