you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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