you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
