Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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