Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Randomize
