Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize