my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
