Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
