My hand turned me down
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
