Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
