Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
