You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
