girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
