I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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