I understand why you refuse to be sober now
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Success! We fucked roommates!
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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