she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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