he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
