ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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