i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize
