I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize