the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
