My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
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