i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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