I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
