i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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