Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
