just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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