Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
