omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Randomize
