2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
