You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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