I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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