Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize