No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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