I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Randomize
