I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
