you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
