At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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