I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
