Don't make out with my wife yet
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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