Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Sober January is a disaster.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
