I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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