if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
