He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
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