Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
You took a bar mat shot.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
