Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
