I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
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