it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I think I died a long time ago.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
